The Onion Movie (2008)

Actors: Edward Ansara (actor), Adrian Armas (actor), Ahmed B. Badran (actor), Brendon Baerg (actor), Bo Barrett (actor), Charley Beil (actor), Daniel Benson (actor), Kwame Boateng (actor), Alonzo Bodden (actor), Jackson Bolt (actor), Michael Bolton (actor), Kato Bonner (actor), Ryan Bosch (actor), Christopher Boyer (actor), Ahmed Ahmed (actor),

Plot: We watch the Onion News, America's Finest News Source, with Dana Dobbs, Senior Correspondent Kip Kendall, and award-winning anchor Norm Archer. In addition to watching the news, we see the program's commercials, some commentary on the film as it proceeds, and we watch some terrorists in training. Behind the scenes, Onion News's corporate owner, Global Tetrahedron, seeks synergy by promoting its other products within Norm's news broadcast. Norm doesn't like it, especially when a toy penguin (think Energizer Bunny) waddles across his desk promoting a Global Tetrahedron film starring Steven Seagal. But Norm may end up needing Steven's help.

Keywords: absurd-humor, aikido, argument, audience, bank, bed, bedroom, bikini, bikini-girl, black-humor
Genres: Comedy,
Taglines: America's finest news source.

Quotes:

[last lines]::Norm Archer: For The Onion News... this is Norm Archer. Fuck you, and goodnight.

Cock Puncher: I don't think you have the balls.

Norm Archer: The internet went down for three hours this morning, plunging the nation into productivity. The outage, which caused major work startages from New York to California, prevented an estimated 120 million American employees from messing around on the web at work.

[singing]::Melissa Cherry: When you love me right up front, you know that I don't mind. But what I really want is for you, to take me from behind. I don't mind, no. I don't mind. Take me from be-hi-i-i-ind...::Melissa Cherry: Are you ready? Mmmm. Down on my knees. Baby, when we kiss, my heart just skips a beat. And when you hold my hand, oh, I can hardly speak. But there's one kinda lovin' that I can't do face to face. So, let me give you some affection - just below your waist. Oh, yeah! I'm down on my knees for you. I'm begging please, please for you. Oh! I've got so much love, I need to show it. It's a big job, I don't want to blow it. Oh! Oh, yeah. Oh! Baby. Down on my knees, begging please please.::Melissa Cherry: Shoot your love, baby. Tell me why must you hide that love, that love you got inside. It's been building up so long. Yeah! And that feeling's oh so strong. So baby, shoot your love all over me. Oh! Drown me in a milky sea. Love all over me. Hey, baby! It's you and I, for eternity, for eternity. That's why you've got to shoot your love over me. Oh, yeah, yeah! When I look at you, ba-by, I see a man full of spunk. But what good is it to me, locked away in that trunk? I don't need more roses. No, that would be just reckless. The gift I want from you is my very own pearl necklace. Shoot your love all over me. Hey! Drown me in a milky sea. Love all over me. Ooh, baby! It's you and I, you and I, for eternity, for eternity. That's why you've got to shoot your love all over me.

Norm Archer: In other news. A local 8-year-old has accidently exercised his 2nd amendment right yesterday, when he blew out his head with his father's semi-automatic rifle. The fatal incident is being hailed by gun-rights activists as a victory for America and the constitution.

Dana Dobbs: There you have it. The negro is guilty.

Presidential Advisor: We might be fucked, sir.

The Edge of the World (2005)

Actors: Wayne Bassett (actor), Daniel Bird (actor), Aaron Bishop (actor), Carlos Casagrande (actor), Tony Chu (actor), Malcolm Ian Connell (actor), Chris Corley (actor), Trevor Drower (actor), Darren K. Hawkins (actor), Ripley Hood (actor), Patrick Kenrick (actor), Tom Lanni (actor), Raoul Larnach (actor), Ed Love (actor), John Andrews (actor),

Plot: Three men are reunited after 30 years by the echoes of a terrible crime. Old men now, and at the end of the line they are intrigued to meet a young girl named Sarah. Through her they are plunged back into the sordid (and hilarious) belly of Australia's underworld, both past and present.

Keywords: edge-of-the-world
Genres: Drama, Thriller,
Taglines: You always miss what you leave behind.

Skinned Deep (2004)

Actors: Eric Bennett (actor), Bill Butts (actor), Kurt Carley (actor), Bill Corso (actor), Warwick Davis (actor), John Deall (actor), Neil Dooley (actor), Jason Dugre (actor), Bevis Faversham (actor), Joel Harlow (actor), Peter Iasillo Jr. (actor), Philip Jones (actor), Lee Kociela (actor), Joe Little (actor), Forrest J Ackerman (actor),

Genres: Comedy, Horror,

Skinned Deep (2004)

Actors: Eric Bennett (actor), Bill Butts (actor), Kurt Carley (actor), Bill Corso (actor), Warwick Davis (actor), John Deall (actor), Neil Dooley (actor), Jason Dugre (actor), Bevis Faversham (actor), Joel Harlow (actor), Peter Iasillo Jr. (actor), Philip Jones (actor), Lee Kociela (actor), Joe Little (actor), Forrest J Ackerman (actor),

Genres: Comedy, Horror,

Runaway Virus (2000)

Actors: Elya Baskin (actor), Jason Beghe (actor), Dmitri S. Boudrine (actor), Ken Camroux (actor), Richard Ian Cox (actor), Ulysses Cuadra (actor), Alfred De Contreras (actor), Edward Diaz (actor), Larry Drake (actor), Thomas F. Duffy (actor), Romeo Fabian (actor), Oleg Feoktistov (actor), D'Wayne Gardner (actor), Oscar Goncalves (actor), Robert Arevalo (actor),

Genres: Thriller,

The Jackal (1997)

Actors: Jonathan Aris (actor), Mike Azevedo (actor), Ewan Bailey (actor), David Barrass (actor), Steve Bassett (actor), Jack Black (actor), John Harrington Bland (actor), Boris Boscovic (actor), Michael Caton-Jones (actor), Serge Christianssens (actor), Jim Clark (actor), Bill Collins (actor), Richard Cubison (actor), John Cunningham (actor), Allen Altman (actor),

Plot: Russian mobster Terek Murad has declared open season on the Russian militia and the United States FBI over the shooting of his brother in a Moscow nightclub. He hires "The Jackal" -- an elusive, nasty assassin -- to kill FBI Director Donald Brown. Present at the shooting of Murad's brother were FBI Deputy Director Carter Preston and Major Valentina Koslova of the Russian militia. Nearly no one has ever seen The Jackal, save for Declan Mulqueen, an imprisoned IRA sniper. Upon learning that the Director Brown is a target, Preston and Koslova enlist the services of the reluctant Mulqueen to track down the Jackal before he can assassinate Brown.

Keywords: airport, american-abroad, animal-in-title, arm-blown-off, assassin, assassination, assassination-attempt, ax-in-head, axe-murder, bare-chested-male
Genres: Action, Adventure, Crime, Thriller,
Taglines: How do you stop an assassin who has no identity?

Quotes:

[after splitting an associate's head with an axe]::Terek Murad: I loved this man like a brother. He was a dear friend and partner to me. So I took no joy in that. But if I can do this to someone I love, imagine what I can do with someone I hate! The American FBI declares war on us. Then WAR IT IS!

Declan Mulqueen: Ms. Koslova, is it?::Valentina Koslova: Mm-hmm.::Declan Mulqueen: And what would your first name be?::Valentina Koslova: [Impersonally] Major. Major Koslova.

Declan Mulqueen: A man like this doesn't make mistakes.::Valentina Koslova: No? They always make one somewhere. Isn't that how you were caught?::Carter Preston: Ouch.

Carter Preston: Major Koslova ends the debate about women in combat as far as I'm concerned.::Declan Mulqueen: How's that?::Carter Preston: She saved my life and took out Terek's brother. She did it knowing she'd be drawing a death sentence down on her neck. But when we offered to set her up some place else when this is over, you know what she said? The good guys don't hide.::Declan Mulqueen: Fierce woman.::Carter Preston: In that country, under that system: staggering.

Valentina Koslova: She's Basque, isn't she?::Declan Mulqueen: Aye.::Valentina Koslova: They say Basques live by the vendetta. If they hate someone it's to the death. It's the same when they love.

McMurphy: How did you know whose phone to tap?::Carter Preston: I didn't. So I tapped everybody's.::Ambassador Koldin: But I have Diplomatic Immunity! Who authorized you to tap my telephone?::Valentina Koslova: I did, Ambassador.

Carter Preston: Witherspoon, you by-the-book asshole.

Carter Preston: I wonder if we'll ever know who the hell he was.::Declan Mulqueen: We know all we need to. He was evil, he is dead. And he's gone. Nothing more matters.

[the Jackal shoots and blows Lamont's arm off]::The Jackal: [referring to the aim of the gun] I told you it was off!

Ian Lamont: [after the Jackal's cannon is ready for firing] Oh, yeah. Bring on the spall, baby. Hey, I wonder when we're gonna...::The Jackal: Lamont!::[quietly but menacingly]::The Jackal: Close your mouth!

$40,000 (1996)

Actors: Ron Bagel (actor), Jason Baskin (actor), Gregory Bernstein (actor), Jeff Boyer (actor), Eric Burdett (actor), Bryan A. Cook (actor), Robert Davidian (actor), Carlos Medrano de Anda (actor), Daniel Donaty (actor), John Donaty (actor), Scott Freeman (actor), Bryan Fuller (actor), Dan Gatto (actor), Craig Gerber (actor), Michael Agbabian (actor),

Plot: Follow the adventures of Jonathan Shaffer, an ex-Surrealist forced back into the fold for "one last surrealist job." A comedy about a man who must reconcile the normal person he has become with his strange past to defeat his worst enemy - the Dadaist Conspiracy.

Keywords: absurd-humor, dollar-sign-in-title, experimental-film, independent-film, money-in-title, number-in-title, surrealist
Genres: Comedy,
Taglines: Don't Make Us Have You 'Play The Chimp'!

RoboCop 2 (1990)

Actors: Yogi Baird (actor), Timothy M. Barlow (actor), Bill Bolender (actor), Roger Aaron Brown (actor), Gary Bullock (actor), Harold Burns (actor), Martin Casella (actor), George Cheung (actor), S. Scott Conner (actor), Erik Cord (actor), Franky Coronado (actor), Rutherford Cravens (actor), Gabriel Damon (actor), Wayne Dehart (actor), Charles Bailey (actor),

Plot: After a successful deployment of the Robocop Law Enforcement unit, OCP sees its goal of urban pacification come closer and closer. But as this develops, a new narcotic known as "Nuke" invades the streets led by God-delirious leader Kane. As this menace grows, it may prove to be too much for Murphy to handle. OCP tries to replicate the success of the first unit, but ends up with failed prototypes with suicidal issues... until Dr. Faxx, a scientist straying away from OCP's path uses Kane as the new subject for the Robocop 2 project, a living God.

Keywords: 1990s, action-hero, ak-47, android, animatronic, automatic-pistol, bad-guy, battle, beating, betrayal
Genres: Action, Crime, Sci-Fi, Thriller,
Taglines: He's back to protect the innocents. Even in the future of law enforcement there is room for improvement.

Quotes:

RoboCop: Isn't the moon wonderful tonight?::Lewis: It's daylight.::RoboCop: It's the thought that counts::Lewis: Oh Jesus, we're heading back to the station!

Cain: Do you think it was me that beat you? It wasn't. It was this.

[Strangling Officer Lewis]::Hob: You look a little out of breath, bitch!

[Robocop shoots at man with cigarette]::RoboCop: Thank you for not smoking.

Cain: You want me?::RoboCop: Dead or alive.::Cain: One of us must die.::RoboCop: Dead, then.

Cain: People want paradise, and they will have it.

RoboCop: You sold us out, Officer Duffy!

RoboCop: Where is Cain?

[last lines]::Lewis: That son of a bitch is getting away with it and we can't even touch him.::RoboCop: [while using a ratchet on his head] Patience, Lewis. We're only human.

RoboCop: Ladies, stay down.

A Private's Affair (1959)

Actors: Rudolph Anders (actor), Tige Andrews (actor), Alan Austin (actor), Jim Backus (actor), Scott Beldin (actor), Ben Bigelow (actor), Nicky Blair (actor), Jerry Brent (actor), Brad Brown (actor), Robert Burton (actor), Bob Bush (actor), Harry Carter (actor), Gary Chamberlain (actor), Ray Clark (actor), Frank Alexander (actor),

Genres: Comedy, Music,

Quotes:

Mike Conroy: How come a cute little chick like you joined the army?::Sgt. Katie Mulligan: I didn't look good in a sack dress.